A couple of months ago I had one of the coolest experiences I’ve ever had while I was up front preaching.

I was talking about the story of Joshua and the Israelites taking the city of Jericho. One of the story lines in Joshua revolves around a woman named Rahab. Rahab was a prostitute in the city of Jericho and ran an “inn”. The Israelite spies went to stay at her inn and she protected them when the men of Jericho came looking for them. Because of her help the spies promised her that she would be spared along with her family when Jericho was taken by Joshua.

Not only was she spared… she ended up marrying one of the Israelites (a good Jewish boy named Salmon) and she settled down in the new Israel to raise a family.

Now I need to take a break from the story I was telling and let you know about a group of kids who attend Riverside every week. They are from a group home nearby where teens who are struggling with addiction go to learn the tools they will need to recover their lives. Most of these kids have had unbelievably rough lives. They’ve seen stuff that most of us have only heard about on TV or in the movies.  The stuff they’ve been through is absolutely heart breaking.  Often they feel like God could never accept them because of the where they’ve been, the things they’ve done, and the things that have been done to them.

I keep quoting scriptures like Romans 3:22 which says:

We are made right in God’s sight when we trust in Jesus Christ to take away our sins. And we all can be saved in this same way, no matter who we are or what we have done.

or Isaiah 43:19:

The Lord says, “Forget what happened before, and do not think about the past.  Look at the new thing I am going to do.   It is already happening. Don’t you see it?”

And I can tell they’d love to believe it… but it’s still hard to leave behind all the things they’ve believed about themselves for so long.

Anyways… they always sit right up front and on this particular Sunday morning there were two young ladies from the group house sitting about 10 feet away from me.  They seemed particularly interested in Rahab (I told about how one of the animated videos I saw about the fall of Jericho said that Rahab was an “entertainer” and they got a kick out of that) but I wasn’t expecting what happened next.

The point I was making was how God is so much more interested in our future than our past… and that as long as we were still breathing God could redeem even the most ugly of circumstances.  One of the verses I was using to make that point was the genealogy in Matthew chapter 1 (you know… Abraham was the father of Isaac who was the father of Jacob…).   I was using the genealogy because not only was Rahab accepted into the nation of Israel but she even made it into the genealogy in Matthew chapter 1.  In fact she ends up becoming the great-great grandma of king David.  That’s amazing in and of itself… but it turns out, I said, that she was also the great-great-great (31 generations down the line) grandma of a man named Jesus.

I had rehearsed this at home so many times I wasn’t ready for what came next.  As soon as I said she was the great, great, great, great, grandma of Jesus one of the girls down front from the group home said, “no way!” (so loud everyone in the building heard her) and I looked at her and said, “I know… crazy right?”.  I kept on with the lesson but I almost lost it when I looked down again and she was crying.   After church as people filed out and shook my hand she stopped and asked me if it was true.  I said yes and she was just speechless… and still crying.

I have no idea how all of this will work out for her… but I love the fact that every week at Riverside I am reminded that Jesus came to seek & save all of us.

So we’ve been having trouble with the main projector at Riverside lately… on Sunday morning when I got to church Pastor Jeff had the 10 foot ladder up in front under the projector.  He had turned it on and it turned itself off 5 minutes later.  We tinkered with it (and by we I mean Jeff) and got it to work.  First service went off without a hitch (at least as far as the projector is concerned… can’t necessarily say the same for the lesson) and so I didn’t even give the projector a second thought as we started the 11:30 AM service. 

Thankfully the projector lasted until the exact moment I stood up to start the lesson during second service (was that a sign from God?).  That’s not really a HUGE deal except for the video clips.  Luckily the secondary projector (the one that projects on the back wall of the auditorium so the worship team can see the words to the songs exactly the same as the audience sees on the main screen) was still working.  So when it came time for the video clips (Nina’s word-a-day calendar fiasco from Just Shoot Me & a short clip from Princess Bride) I just told everyone to turn around and look at the back screen to see the clips.

How surreal.  I wish I had thought to take a quick picture with my iPhone… Only one other time do I remember seeing the back of everyone’s heads during a lesson (thanks to Taylor Frigon for that memory) and it was very strange.  I realized I could do jumping jacks during the clips and nobody would be the wiser.  I didn’t do jumping jacks but I did walk around the stage a little bit and clean up a couple of things that were bugging me (you know what a neatnik I am).

Anyways… not exactly an earth shattering moment but I wanted to write a little about it. 

What will we do about the toasted projector for this Sunday?  Probably we’ll move the back projector to the front and not have a secondary projector for this weekend.  We’re not exactly rolling in extra cash right now so I’m not sure what we’ll do for the long run… maybe we’ll just leave it the way it is and have people turn around every week to watch clips.  There’s no telling how clean things might get on the stage if we did that.

Wow… God is so cool!
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I just wanted to write today and tell you how often God totally catches me off guard. It’s not like I don’t know how powerful He is… and how much He loves me… but it still surprises me sometimes when it seems like He’s worked things out for me before I even lift a hand (especially when it’s something I pray about).

There’s a list of values or virtues that the Apostle Peter tells us to add to our “basic faith”… is there anything in there that stands out to you (I’ve highlighted, underlined & bolded what stands out to me today)?

So don’t lose a minute in building on what you’ve been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can’t see what’s right before you. 2 Peter 1:5-9 (NLT)

I used to wonder about that “reverent wonder” (pun intended). What was that all about? Doesn’t faith leave out the concept of “wonder”? Apparently not, and God constantly reminds me of this fact but I’m so quick to forget. But today He reminded me again just how powerful He is and how much He cares about me.

I woke up and had a couple of phone messages that I wasn’t quite ready to face. So I went about doing my usual morning routines and then spending some time with my wife who has been over at her mom’s place for the last week helping her with some of the health struggles she’s currently going through. I was a little stressed out about the messages but I tried to remember to keep giving them to God and not let them get in the way of what I considered to be higher priorities at the moment.

When I finally got around to dealing with the messages I was blown away… both of the situations had resolved themselves and I didn’t have to do anything about what had been worrying me. I don’t know if you ever have those moments but I just looked up to Heaven and said:

“wow… that was impressive!”

I almost started to feel bad about my “lack of faith” when I remembered the passage from 2 Peter that I pasted above… and I remembered Peter’s urging to add reverent wonder to my basic faith. I’m still blown away even now as I sit and write this.

So what’s the point? There really isn’t one. I just wanted to share with you guys who have signed up for the Ramblings email what’s going on in my life today. Maybe you should read that passage above from 2 Peter and see if there’s anything God wants to add to your basic faith today.

Who are you being while you're going where you're going?

Values.  Your values are your internal compass that will impact every decision you ever make.  The question for today is, where did I get my values that shape everything I do & say?  You can get them from God or you can let the culture give them to you.  Jesus suggests you adopt God’s values:

In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.

Matthew 5:48 (MES)

OK everyone… theoretically you have come up with a dream, clearly defined your roles/relationships & written out some tribute statements that reflect how you’d like to perform in those relationships (if not go back to the beginning of these blog entries and WRITE THEM DOWN!).  Finally you chose some directions to head towards or aim at in 2009 to make your dreams & tribute statements come true.  What’s next you ask?

You need to decide what VALUES are going to guide you as you follow your dreams, fulfill your roles & travel in your chosen directions.  Values are the internal compass that points us in the direction we need to go whatever we may be doing.  If your values are godly and built upon God’s kingdom, then you will always make decisions based upon those values & our culture will lead you farther and farther away from your God given identity.

Choose your values wisely

So choose your values wisely…

You do get to choose your values?  We don’t often speak in those kinds of terms… often we believe we are enslaved by our values and have no control over them but people choose their values every day… and most of them you don’t even think about.  For instance, I don’t have to work hard to keep myself from jumping off a 10 story building.  That’s a pretty easy choice for me.  I don’t argue with myself over the wisdom of not jumping… I just avoid getting myself anywhere near a place where I might fall.  That’s because a healthy respect for gravity is one of my strongest held values.  I believe deeply that choosing to ignore the law of gravity would be detrimental to my well being.  I am free to embrace the value of flying with my two arms flapping as fast as they can go, but you probably wouldn’t recommend it.

I see the values of God’s kingdom the same way.  God invites us to choose His values over the values of this world and its cultures.  You can decide to reject God’s invitation… you’re free to go any direction you want.  I just wouldn’t recommend it:

Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:2 (MES)

When you choose to “fix your attention on God” and “readily recognize what he wants and quickly respond to it” you will be developing within you the internal compass that will guide your every choice.  Will you always make the right decisions?  Not even close… but at least you’ll be on the right road.  God doesn’t expect perfection, but He is looking for people who are willing to travel with Him and do their best.  If you can do that then He can and will bring out the best in you.

So back to our values.  What do you value?  Here’s a list of my top values:

1.     Faith

2.    Family

3.    Enjoyment

4.    Calling/Career

5.    Integrity

Those are my top 5.  What are yours?  Need some help?  Here’s a list of some common values.  Look it over and figure out what values God is calling you to adopt.  Write them down and ask God to start making them a reality in your life today.  Then next time we’ll look at clarifying these values so that we can begin the process of changing or focusing our internal compass.

Peace.

Ed

Values

Abundance

Acceptance

Action

Adventure

Affirmation

Appreciation

Authenticity

Balance

Beauty

Bliss

Bravery

Camaraderie

Celebration

Character

Clarity

Community

Compassion

Composure

Confidence

Connection

Contribution

Courage

Creativity

Curiosity

Design

Direction

Discernment

Education

Empowerment

Encouragement

Endurance

Energy

Enjoyment

Enlightenment

Enthusiasm

Excellence

Fairness

Faith

Faithfulness

Family

Fitness

Flexibility

Focus

Forgiveness

Freedom

Friendship

Fulfillment

Fun

Generosity

Gentleness

Godliness

Good Judgment

Goodness

Grace

Gracefulness

Gratitude

Growth

Harmony

Healing

Health

Holiness

Honesty

Honor

Hope

Hospitality

Humility

Humor

Independence

Innovation

Integrity

Intelligence

Interdependence

Joy

Kindness

Knowledge

Leadership

Learning

Legacy

Love

Loyalty

Mastery

Meaning

Mercy

Motivation

Nobility

Nurturing

Openness

Optimism

Organization

Patience

Peace

Perseverance

Playfulness

Productivity

Progress

Prosperity

Prudence

Purpose

Purity

Quality

Respect

Responsibility

Results

Self-control

Significance

Simplicity

Sincerity

Spirituality

Strength

Style

Success

Teamwork

Temperance

Tolerance

Transcendence

Trust

Truth

Truthfulness

Unconditional love

Understanding

Unity

Usefulness

Vision

Willingness

Wisdom

Wonder

Zeal

Zest

How Do I Get There?

Ok… now that you have your Big Dream written out, your roles/relationships defined and your tribute statements for each role clearly stated you are ready to chart your course.  You need to choose some directions (very similar to goals but with the focus and power of your dream & roles behind them) that will give 2010 something to aim at.  These directions will help you make decisions about what to do and what not to do in any given moment/day/week/month/year.   Remember the verse from one of our earlier lessons:

An intelligent person aims at wise actions, but a fool starts off in many directions. Proverbs 17:24 (GN)

Don’t be foolish- using your dream & roles as a guide CHOOSE some directions to take your life in 2010.  What will help you make your dream a reality?  What will lead you closer to making the tribute statements you dream of come true?  When you use your dreams and roles as targets that you aim at while choosing your directions you can really add some focus to your life… which will bring the power & intensity that will make your life the kind of life you’ve dreamed of.

When I was 31 I was drifting.  I had gone to college and gotten my degree in Biblical studies but I had run from the idea of working for a church.  I wanted to trust God but I had seen what trusting his people could lead to.  I didn’t want any part of it.  So I was delivering pizzas and looking for a way to make my life a success.  It wasn’t working out very well.  I tried to become a cop… it didn’t work out.  I tried to become a firefighter… it didn’t work out.  I tried to go to medical school… it didn’t work out.  I tried to become an emergency medical technician (everyone together now)… it didn’t work out.  My problem wasn’t that there was anything wrong with doing any of the things I was trying to do (there are plenty of cops, firefighters, doctors & emts who are exactly where God wants them to be)… it was that I really wasn’t trusting God and designing my life around & upon His kingdom.  Nothing was working out for me (I had an awesome wife and a 1 ½ year old son but I was still dissatisfied with my life).

So I decided to start building my life on God’s kingdom.  We talked yesterday about building our lives on what matters most.  Jesus talked about this when He said:

So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33 (NIV)

I was letting something other than His kingdom dominate my thoughts.  I was seeking my own little kingdom first and then hoping He would add His kingdom to my life as well.  The problem was that my thinking was completely backwards (which if you know me isn’t all that unusual ;0).

So I made a tough decision.  I decided to base my life on God’s kingdom FIRST and then let Him add everything else like He promised in the scripture above.  It was scary and there was more than a little grieving over letting go of the “successful” life I dreamed of (I wanted to have LOTS of money and stuff).  The grieving seems silly now because it’s not like I was really in any danger of ever making LOTS of money anyways (but some of my toughest battles are with my unique brand of fantasy).

I started volunteering at church (the same one I work at now), I tried to add God into my everyday life the best I knew how, and I did my best to listen for His guidance and direction.  God didn’t change everything about my life right away though.  It took time for me to get myself to the place I was in… it took time for Him to get me closer to where He wanted me to be.  I wish I could tell you I’m perfect at this “following God thing” now, but I’m a long ways away from that.  W

What Are You Aiming At?

hat I find absolutely amazing is how God can do miracles even with my meager efforts.  But He can.  He did miracles with my meager efforts, and if you let Him, he’ll do miracles with your meager efforts.

Are you aiming at anything?

So take another look at your dreams, your roles and your tribute statements.  Choose some directions to start heading (read that as “aiming at”) in your life.  In fact, every time you sit down and plan out your week look over your dreams, roles & tribute statements.  It will give you the direction you need to add the focus to your life that will allow you begin building your life on God’s kingdom, rather than your own.

ps:  maybe you’re afraid that if you build your life on God’s kingdom then you will end up in some foreign country working with people you don’t understand and that your life will become a living hell.  It’s ok if that’s what you’re afraid of… so was I.   If that’s your fear let me reassure you.  Most of us will spend the rest of our lives right where we are when we begin building our lives on the foundation of God’s kingdom.  And if He does move you, or change your career… I guarantee you won’t regret it.  I would never have dreamed that this is where God would eventually lead me… and if you had told me that this is where I’d be in 13 years I’m not sure I would have taken the first step 13 years ago (that’s why God doesn’t tell us where we’ll end up).   But I can tell you this… God knows SO much better than I do (the understatement of the century).  I wouldn’t trade where I am now for anything.  God can be trusted.

No... not WHERE do you want to be, but WHO do you want to be! Big difference.

After you’ve asked yourself the question, Who Am I? (remember, the last entry on this blog had you define the roles/relationships God has entrusted to you and rank them in importance) you need to ask yourself, “who do i want to be”? Think about  how you would like to perform in those roles/relationships. Billy Dean had a couple of songs out a couple of years ago (ok… maybe it was like 15 but it seems like just a couple to me) called Young Man & Only Here For A Little While. They were all about thinking about the decisions we make on a daily basis. One is about a guy who went to a funeral for a man who died awfully young and spent all his time

“working hard and chasing dollars… putting off until tomorrow… things he should have done”.

So Billy Dean says, I’m going to change my life because we’re only here for a little while. There was another song called Young Man- the chorus of that song really spoke to me.

When I’m just an old man on the front porch in a chair Rocking with the memories from my past The lines you see on my face will tell a tale of no regrets I want to look forward, to looking back On the race I ran… when I was a young man.

I started thinking about how I’d feel about the choices I was making now when I was just an old man on the front porch in a chair, rocking with the memories from my past. I realized I had better get going if I was going to be proud of what I had done with my life… if I was going to become a person I could admire. I did my best but it wasn’t until I took that Franklin-Covey class that I talked about in an earlier blog that I got the tools to really add focus to that decision. One of the best things I ever did was write what Steven Covey calls, Tribute Statements for each of my most important roles. The idea is to picture yourself at your 90th birthday celebration with all your friends and family there to pay tribute to your life and then think about what you would hope that they would say about your life. Then start living today in a way that will make that tribute statement a reality. It will focus all of your choices and interactions with the people who will ultimately decide what kind of friend, spouse, parent, employee, etc… you were/are. One of the verses that really drives me as I go through this life is from a story Jesus told to His friends… basically the gist of the story is, that those who faithfully do what they think God wants them to will one day stand face to face with their creator and hear Him say:

Well done, my good and faithful servant. Matthew 25:21 (NLT)

That’s part of my tribute statement from God to me (at least I hope that’s what He’ll say to me…). Now write yours. Take your most important roles that God has entrusted to you and write out a tribute statement for each one. Picture your 90th birthday and think about what you hope they will say to you. It’s just one more step in adding some incredible focus (and therefore power) to your life… and will take you one step closer to hearing the words, “well done!” from your Creator. Have questions about any of this? Add them to the comments section and I’ll do my best to answer them…  below I’ve attached my tribute statement that I’ve written for God (what I hope He’ll say to me when I stand before Him- hopefully in a LONG, LONG time).

Role: Child Of God—Key Person: God—Tribute Statement:  Well done good & faithful servant!  You have discovered and lived out what & who I created you to be.  You enjoyed your life and helped your family and church to enjoy life as well.  And you helped me make Riverside into a place where people who were afraid of me or unsure of me could come and find out who I really am and discover how much I love them.  I am so proud of you. 

Ok… so you’ve got your big dream.  One question I got was, “what if I don’t know what to dream of?”  What if you don’t have a big dream?  Then just keep walking with God and follow the next step in this focusing program which is to define…

Who Is God Asking Me To Be?

Often I  don’t spend a lot of time thinking about what roles (relationships) God has entrusted me with in my life.  Often I take the roles I have for granted while I wish I had other, more meaningful roles.  But God asks us to faithfully perform the tasks he has already entrusted to us.

Live creatively, friends… Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that… Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life. Galatians 6:1-5 (MES)

But how do we do that?  How do we make a careful exploration of who we are and the work we’ve been given?  How can we do the creative best we can with the life God has given us?

I’m glad you asked (you’re always so helpful to ask the questions that will lead me to my next point).  This is where the “Roles Exercise” comes in.  Get out a piece of paper and write down (remember how powerful writing things is) all of your Roles.  Be exhaustive!  Speaking for myself, I have many roles that God has assigned me:

• Child of God
• Husband
• Dad
• Self (I have to take care of myself or I won’t have what I need to take care of anyone else)
• Pastor
• Family Member
• Friend
• Community Member
• American Citizen
• Neighbor
• Pet Owner (I have two cats)
• Small Business Owner (I have a smelly small business)
• Blogger Extrordinaire (ok… that one’s a stretch)

I could probably think of more but you get the point.  If you look closely at that list you’ll see that all my roles are not of equal importance.  I consider my relationship with God to be the most important role in my inventory of relationships.  Sometimes people will take issue with that and ask why my family isn’t number one.  I may not know it all, but one thing I have learned is that if I put anything or anyone ahead of my relationship with God everything is going to suffer.  But if I make God my priority my family never suffers for it.

That’s not to say that in the past some people have hurt their families and put the blame on God… but please.  Don’t blame God for something somebody did or said in His name.

Anyways… back to my list.  For me God is on top, then I have to make sure I take care of myself or I can’t care for Judy & Jonathan the way they need.  This sounds like selfishness sometimes but I’m not talking about getting everything I want at their expense (although there have been days when that’s exactly what I’ve tried to do)… I’m talking about lovingly caring for myself so I will have the wherewithal to take care of them.  Jesus said in Matthew 22:39 that the second most important command was to “love your neighbor as you love yourself”.  We often think of this as only one command (to love others) but I heard Judy say once (I wish I had thought of it but I’m stealing it from her) that there is an implicit third command in that verse.  The command to love yourself.  If you don’t you can’t really love others.

Ok… back to the list (I’m all over the place tonight).  First God, then myself and I guess I’d put Judy and Jonathan as 2-a & 2-b.  After that my job/calling as the Pastor of Riverside Community Church. My family, friends, and on it goes.

So that’s my list… now you make yours.  Figure out all the roles you play in your life and write them down.  Then rank them in order of importance.  Once you’ve done then we’ll spend tomorrow putting some real focus into them that will help you decide how (and with whom) you will spend your time… which is another very important part of focusing your life.

Peace.

Ed

If you want 2010 to be better than 2009 was then you need to focus your life. We talked about the importance of focus on Sunday.

Focus is what gives anything power & intensity. So it’s no mystery why the Bible talks about focusing your life…

I ask God… to make your eyes focused and clear, so you can see exactly what it is God is calling you to do. Ephesians 1:18 (MES)

Without focus your life will be about as powerful as the sun in Alaska these days… not much power… not much intensity. But with focus your life will make a difference.

If you want your life to count, you must focus it. Rick Warren

So how do I focus my life? I’m glad you asked! About 12 years ago Judy and I attended a Franklin-Covey seminar (she had to bribe me to get me to go) called “What Matters Most”. At the time I was a youth minister at a church that I didn’t really fit into (the people were great… but I just frustrated most of the leadership because I had ideas about how to do church “different” in a church that liked things the way they had always been).

The seminar taught me the importance of focus. I had been living my life without much real direction (you may be thinking to yourself, “self… he seems to live his life without much direction now”! Compared to others that may be true but you should have seen me then!;0). The leader walked us through the exercises we’ll be doing in the next week or so and it changed my life.

One of the exercises was to write down (don’t forget to actually write this down… the writing of it is very important) our biggest dream. He said, “if you could do anything you wanted to do what would it be? Don’t think about money, time, or any other constraint… dream big!”

I was struggling at the church I was currently working at and my main frustration was that I felt the people who needed God the most were being prevented from getting to Him by “churchy” people who already knew Him. So this is what I wrote on my 3X5 card:

I would start a church that accepted everyone exactly where they were & loved them the way Jesus loves us, no matter their age, race, and culture. No matter how they looked or what problems they had.

I didn’t know why he had us write it on a 3X5 card but after lunch we had to hand them in. I got really nervous when he started reading the cards out loud! I was NOT in a church seminar… I was in a Franklin-Covey seminar with business professionals in southern California. I expected audible snickers when he got to mine. But instead, when he finished reading mine people just kind of sighed (as though they were thinking, “that kind of place would be great… but creating that kind of place would just be impossible, wouldn’t it?”)

Turns out God can do anything… even (maybe I should say especially) the impossible. It wasn’t until about 5 years later as Judy was going through our old planning stuff that she remembered what I had written that day. She looked up at me and asked if I remembered what I had dreamed of? After we talked about it for a couple of minutes she said, “you got exactly what you wrote down… I hate you!” (she doesn’t really hate me… in fact she adores me… I’m the light of her life… but don’t tell her I said that, ok?)

I don’t know what makes writing this stuff down so powerful… but it is. So today I want you to write down YOUR dream. Don’t think about all the reasons you could never do it (and don’t let anyone else tell you why it could never happen). Just dream and while you’re at it dream big! One of my favorite verses in the Bible is from Ephesians 3:20… remember this while you’re dreaming big…

God can do anything, you know- far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

Ephesians 3:16-19 (MES)

For today write down your dream… then we’ll start tomorrow working on the tools that will help you to move toward your dreams with God’s help.  Just remember… focus can be dangerous.  It can lead you places you never dreamed of… but I guarantee they’ll be places you won’t trade for anything.

Peace.

Ed

Hey Everyone,

First of all… it’s good to be back.  I think I may be changing the way I blog… it was getting tough to figure out what to say on my own so now I’ll add to this blog when I have a wild idea of when someone asks a question.  I just got one from a friend of mine and I thought to myself… “I should add this to the blog, I imagine we all struggle with kind of stuff from time to time… I know I do ;0)”

So… here it is.  But also I need to let everyone know the Riverside email list has been lost.  This isn’t horrible news since it was becoming unwieldy anyways.  So now the list is automated.  If you want to sign up again to be on the list click here.

Anyways… here’s the question I got today:

I’m having a rough go of it with my ex wife. I don’t want to feel angry towards her or bitter but it’s so hard. She really knows what buttons to push on me, and I’m sure I do the same to her, I would hope I do them unintentionally now but I don’t know. I feel anger, resentment, bitterness, all the things I don’t want to have. She is the only person that can draw that out of me so strongly. Why does it seem easier to keep hate when it comes to her than to forgive her. I don’t want to like her, I just don’t want to hate her if that makes sense. I know what I need to do, but it’s so tough to always forgive when she’s going to continue to be mean and nasty. I wish we could both fogive… I wish I could forgive… Any suggestions how to handle it?
Thanks Ed

And here is my reply:

Actually it sounds like you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing. working on it instead of just letting yourself go with all the feelings your ex is bringing up in you. Forgiveness is one of the hardest things we have to deal with and everyone struggles with it. The key is not just giving in. Also don’t beat yourself up too much for your feelings… I firmly believe that dealing with an ex is the hardest thing most people will ever do. You can’t really just forget about them, especially when your kid is involved and you have to work out shared custody stuff.

I used to really beat myself up over the thoughts I was having. I’d wonder why i couldn’t just stop thinking bitter or angry stuff. I figured i was failing at the whole following Jesus thing. But then I read a quote from Max Lucado in his book “Just Like Jesus”. He said that you are not responsible for the thoughts you have. You’re just responsible for what you do with those thoughts. Martin Luther said, “you can’t stop the birds from flying about your head, but you can stop them from building a nest in your hair!”

Paul put it this way in 2 Cor. 10:5:

“We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ”

I think what he’s saying is, put a guard shack at the entrance to your mind and decide if the thoughts you’re having are helpful or not. And it sounds to me like you’re already doing that… you’re just bummed out that it’s harder than you wish it was. Welcome to the club ;0).

Just remember that as you’re doing this… the more you face these things and do your best to deal with them the way Jesus would the stronger you’re becoming. it’s a process and some things will always be tough… but the payoff is amazing. as you’re working through your interactions with your ex I’d suggest you just keep reminding yourself of 2 scriptures:

Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4:7

I say that verse and mentally picture myself turning away from the temptation to let my emotions fly… then i mentally picture myself turning towards God and trying to choose the emotions of the Spirit rather than the emotions of the flesh (Gal. 5 lists both of those if you’re interested… that’s pretty helpful to remind myself of too… what different emotions that we give ourselves to lead to in our lives).

Second scripture to remind yourself of:

The ways of right-living people glow with light; the longer they live, the brighter they shine.
But the road of wrongdoing gets darker and darker—  travelers can’t see a thing; they fall flat on their faces.

Proverbs 4:18

now that one’s from the message paraphrase so be careful who you’re quoting it to… some good christian people don’t like the message much.

but it gives a really clear insight into what’s happening as you work on giving your life over to the life of the Spirit rather than the other options… you’ll never be perfect at this and you might struggle with your ex and your feelings about her for a really long time. Just remember that as you walk on the path God lays out for you your life will shine brighter and brighter… you’ll become stronger and stronger.

Also remember that the opposite is true too… the more you give in to emotions that aren’t part of your life in the Spirit the weaker you’ll become.

It’s just like working out… you don’t become the strongest man on earth because you work out one day. it takes a lifestyle of exercise to get strong. And the opposite is true to… you don’t become a 98 pound weakling because you fail to do the right thing (work out) once or twice or even over a short period of time. The key is which lifestyle are you choosing? Nobody is going to be perfect at this… but if you choose the right kind of lifestyle (following the Spirit) you will become stronger and stronger and your life will shine brighter and brighter.

I hope that makes sense… I’m going to take the personal references out and add this to my blog… I think most of us struggle with this on a daily basis.

Ok… that’s it for this entry.  If you have any questions you’d like to ask you can post them here or send them to ednjude@gci.net so everyone else doesn’t know it was your question I’m attempting to answer.

Ok… I know it’s been a while.  I’ve been having blog block.  But as Easter approaches and I sit waiting for Jonathan’s testing to be done so we can go home I figured I’d give it another shot.

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been talking on Sundays about why I choose to follow Jesus.  There’s a big difference between believing and following.  Believing is about who you think is right… following is all about who is worthy of your trust.  And for me, over and over again Jesus has proven Himself worthy of that trust.

As far as I’m concerned, one of the greatest promises in the Bible is found in Romans 8:28:

And we know that all that happens to us is working for our good if we love God and are fitting into His plans.

What exactly does that mean?  What exactly is God promising here?  Does that mean that only good things will happen to followers of Jesus (I hope it’s not what it means cause bad stuff continues to happen to me)?  Does it mean that God can make the bad stuff good?  I don’t think that’s it either… so what does it mean?

I think it’s kind of like a recipe for chocolate chip cookies… not everything in the recipe is good all by itself.  Oh sure… the chocolate chips are pretty good, the milk is fine, the sugar isn’t bad all by itself either.  But the raw eggs?  The dry flour?  The brown sugar (ok… maybe I slipped up a little on that one… I could eat brown sugar by itself and be pretty happy about it). 

My point is, not everything in the recipe is good by itself, but mix them all together and bake them and they are one of the greatest proofs for the existence of a good, kind & loving God!

The same thing is true in our lives.  Jesus told us that the recipe of our life would contain lots of good stuff:

I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.  John 11:10

But He also warned us there would be plenty of trouble added to that recipe:

I told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble, but be brave! I have defeated the world.  John 16:33

One of the things I like best about following Jesus is the promise that even though there will be plenty of trouble in my life… when He gets done mixing it all up and baking it in the oven of this world the result is something an awful lot like chocolate chip cookies.  And like chocolate chip cookies… the life that is surrendered to Jesus is another proof for the existence of a good, kind & loving God.  Maybe you never thought of yourself as a cookie before, but that’s what Jesus wants you to be.  A cookie that draws people to him.  Just don’t forget that cookies have to go through the oven (although some people like the cookie dough best but that’s a discussion for another time that doesn’t really fit with my illustration;0)