Ok… I started off last time saying we were going to go “off topic” and then I ended up staying “on topic” by talking about dinosaurs… today I am going “off topic” and we’re going to talk about how forgiveness (or maybe more accurately unforgiveness) can impact our faith and give us doubts.

I firmly believe forgiveness is one of the toughest parts of  following Jesus… for most of us the tough part is offering it to those who have hurt us (although there are those out there who have a tough time accepting the forgiveness that God offers us).  Every time I start to talk about forgiveness at Riverside I can see invisible

Don't cute pictures like that just melt your heart and make you want to forgive everyone who's ever hurt you? No? Me neither!

walls being built to keep whatever I might say from impacting people.  They think they already know what I’m going to say… they’re expecting a Hallmark greeting card sort of sermon and we’ve all learned that forgiveness just doesn’t work that way.

 

And yet we struggle with doubts because we really don’t know what forgiveness is… we just know it’s important.  The Bible tells us in Colossians 3:13:

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

That’s pretty self explanatory, right?  God forgave us, so we have to forgive one another.  But in many circumstances it’s easier said than done.  And when we struggle with forgiving someone it can often just make us feel guilty.  Jesus Himself said at one point:

In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can’t get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others.   If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God’s part.  Matthew 6:14-15 (MES)

Now I don’t know about you… but that sounds pretty scary, right?  Maybe you’ve heard someone say before (maybe it was me) that when we fail to forgive we burn down the bridge over which we ourselves must cross.  But what does that mean about my relationship with God?  If I’m struggling with forgiveness am I going to Hell? 

I don’t think so… but it has a lot to do with your attitude.  I always cringe when I hear someone say:

I will NEVER forgive them!

Never say never.  God has a hard time working with someone who says  NEVER because when we do we tell Him we don’t need His guidance… we’re doing just fine on our own.  Instead say:

Lord, I’m having a really tough time forgiving them

Or

Lord, help me forgive them.

Why?  What’s the difference?  It’s all in the attitude.  And understanding what forgiveness is (and what it isn’t) can really help with the whole attitude thing.

So what is forgiveness and why is it so important?  First of all, forgiveness is NOT a Hallmark card.  No where in the Bible will you read the words, forgive & forget.  God says He will forget our sins, but humans aren’t capable of forgetting.  But there are some things that are required if I’m going to forgive the people in my life who have hurt me (and we’ve all got a few of them, don’t we?).

First off all, forgiveness is giving up my right to get even.  At its heart, forgiveness is simply letting go of my right to get revenge. 

Never avenge yourselves.  Leave that to God, for He has said that He will repay those who deserve it.   Romans 12:19 (LB)

But that’s not easy, is it?  If you’re like me you want to make sure the miserable so & so’s who hurt you get what they’ve got coming.  The problem with that kind of thinking is it hurts you more than the miserable so & so who God wants you to forgive. 

Nobody wants to be a Porcupine Pete!

When we decide not to do the hard work of forgiving people we become like human porcupines, hurting everyone we come into contact with.  God doesn’t want you to forgive people so they can feel better (although there’s some of that… but let’s be completely selfish for the moment).  God wants you to forgive so that you and the people who are closest to you will have better lives.  Another challenging scripture on forgiveness is:

 

Be careful that none of you fails to respond to the grace which God  gives, for if he does there can very easily spring up in him a bitter spirit which is not only bad in itself but can also poison the lives of many others.  Hebrews 12:15 (Ph)

 

When we fail to forgive, we don’t just hurt ourselves and the ones who hurt us… we hurt those closest to us and poison their lives with our own unforgiveness. 

Stormy Omartian says,

Forgiveness doesn’t make them right… it makes you free.

And who doesn’t want to be free?  It is SO important if we are going to have healthy relationships that we choose to do the hard work (and heartbreaking work) of learning to forgive.  If we don’t we damage even the relationships that aren’t even a part of the conflict.  That’s why I always tell anyone who asks (and that doesn’t happen very often) not to date for at least a year after a divorce.  Because it generally takes that long for us to come to grips with our pain and begin the heaing process.  But I digress…

Another big part of the forgiveness process is learning to respond to the pain with healing.  Jesus said:

If you are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. Pray for those who hurt you. Luke 6:27-28 (NLT)

Did you notice how He began that sentence?  “if you are willing to listen…”  Why do you think He said it like that?  Because we often are unwilling to listen to what Jesus has to say about how to handle our enemies.  Why should I do good to them?  Why should I respond to the hurt and pain with healing?  Because it’s going to bring healing to YOU.  The benefit to the forgivee is a secondary benefit I believe.  Ultimately, God wants you to forgive so you can become more like His Son and receive the healing that He died to provide you with.

Do you remember what the final words of Jesus were?  In John 19:30 He said:

Did you know that those words, that exact phrase was a technical term used in the first century banking community?  If you borrowed money you would post a contract with the bankers and when you had finished paying off the loan the banker would write “it is finished” on the note (literally “paid in full”).  That’s what Jesus did for us.  We needed forgiveness (if you’re like me you needed LOTS of it).  Jesus provided it for us… he wrote “paid in full” on your spiritual loan paperwork.  And now, if you’re going to be healthy and be able to have healthy relationships you need to choose to practice doing the same thing.

So how do you forgive someone?

1.     Identify who has hurt you (be specific, who it was, what they did, how much it cost you, etc.).

2.     Figure out how much they owe you for what they’ve done (again, be specific).

3.     Cancel the debt! (write “paid in full” on the bill)

Have you struggled in the past with forgiving someone?  How did you get past that?  Let us know how you have handled this tough subject in the past.